I stopped chasing sunsets. I didn’t even realize it happened. The year I quit drinking, I would spend time seeking out sunrises and sunsets. It became my little joy and every time it would humble me. I would have tears or epiphanies or just simply exist and in a way that was so pure. Just for that moment. I don’t know what happened.
Getting Back Out There
I made myself go to the mountain today knowing it was the best thing for me. Rushing to get there and, per Kristin fashion, was still running late. I didn’t want to miss the sun going down. I’ve watched many sunsets but there’s something about the intentionality of seeking them. It’s the difference between passively observing to actively watching and it makes a difference. There’s a stillness you get and I was missing it.
Well, I had barely gotten started and my focus was off. It was getting late. Watching another person moving so quickly up the mountain, I tried to keep up. Next thing I knew I was on the ground, bloody hands and damn, my knees hurt. The instant reaction of pure embarrassment as I heard the words “oh are you ok?”. I couldn’t get up fast enough. Sheepishly, I laughed. “Yea, I’m totally fine” and brushed myself off. It all happened so fast and I hate making a big deal about me. It hurt like hell. I continued up the mountain, struggling to catch my breath. Man, it had been awhile.
Before I got to the top, I could already see the bright reddish orange peaking through the winter trees. It was everything I forgot I needed. I got to the top and poetry just flowed through my body.
The Lesson- Life As A Metaphor
Do you ever observe life as a metaphor? I do it more than I care to admit but I really do see it that way. I have been working through some big things and one of them is learning how to trust myself. Big ideas are flowing through me but the minute I feel like rejection is nearby, I’m out. The pattern continues of completely abandoning myself. How odd that my biggest fear is rejection, yet I repeatedly reject myself. Too much for people to handle? Different in any way? I’m out. It’s like I have gotten so used to abandoning myself that it has become the norm.
So here I am, on the top of this mountain, feeling the magic and all I could think… this is my life right now. Hear me out… I have this thing I want and I have to push myself out of my comfort zone to get it. I get out there and I’m going to fall. It’s inevitable in this bigger picture. What’s the worst thing that could happen? I get embarrassed and feel like an idiot? But people surprise me. They don’t always help or interject, just remind me they’re there.
I keep going through the aches and pains of this struggle. When I get to the top, I’m reminded why I must keep chasing sunsets. There’s more! The journey doesn’t end there. Now we’re moving onto the next thing and it’s dark and scary but we leave a light on. Just a little glimmer to remind us we’re not alone and help with our footing. (Do you see the comparison??) The sunset is the glimmer that gives us hope for something new, or renewed.
Keep Chasing Sunsets and Moving Forward
See, try looking at things as metaphors for life. It reminds us that there is actually a lesson everywhere. Life isn’t coincidence and if we pay attention it’s filled with so much magic it can bring you to tears. I know this sounds crazy. It’s hard to look at life in any other way than black and white. Especially when we’re just trying to survive.
One of the things that I am learning to love about myself is exactly this… it’s the ability to be in something hard or painful and even through the difficulties, still seeing the good in it all. It doesn’t always come easy and sometimes I have to fall flat on some rocks to bring me to clarity. This life we get to live is so precious. The air we breathe, the changing of the trees, the food we consume, and yes, even the bruises. It means we’re alive.
Sometimes shifting our thoughts from doom and gloom to a learning opportunity can be the exact thing that propels us forward. I don’t know what the outcome of the thing I’m wrestling with will be, but I know that I’m not supposed to give up. That fall up the mountain taught me that. Keep climbing and falling. Keep chasing sunsets.
